I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Even my vagina gasped.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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