so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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