According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
