I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize