I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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