remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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