I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
