What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if only i could text you this smell
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
