careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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