Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're like the curious george of whores
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
