Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
