Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize