hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
