Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Two words: nipple clamps
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