Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
