Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
