I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Im part way to drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
