I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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