Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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