You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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