I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
