just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
