so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
