You can't special order awesome
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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