She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
