This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
