Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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