that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
