I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
