it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
