is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
