I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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