my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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