from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
