Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
