Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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