i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
