so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
