I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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