Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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