I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
