I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
