I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
