shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
