i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Houston, we have a squirter
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
