apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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