I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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