I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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