I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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