i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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