It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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