Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
