it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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