I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize