He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
