if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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