Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
