The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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