cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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