he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
