this boner is exhausting
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize