STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
