my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
