is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
