I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
