If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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