your thong is hanging out like whoa
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
