those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
