and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
