There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
