I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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