my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
