Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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