she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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